The Need to be Accepted

Seems that the need to be accepted is fundamental to our ability to function in organisations. Toxic organisations want you to know that you are not accepted for who you are, and may possibly be accepted for what some people in those organisations think you might be able to do for them.

Guaranteed that you can tell when you are in a terminally toxic organisation when someone comes to you and says: “I heard this in confidence about you, is it true?” when you hear that, start running for the door, because the person saying this actually means:

  1. I know something you don’t know, so I am more important than you
  2. I am going to divert your attention off what is important and make you guess who it is who supposedly (if actually anyone actually did) said this, so I am going to manipulate you as best I can
  3. I am empowered by the organisation to play destructive back-stabbing politics, and I am going to stab you in the back and try to make you think I’m actually just thinking of your best interests
  4. I am a fraud and I need you to know it

So, you can either run for the door, or you can tell them in no uncertain terms:

  1. you will not have another word with them until they tell you who this “in confidence” person is
  2. you will not accept any further back-stabbing

Once you set the ground rules you will sleep much better…

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